Thursday, August 26, 2010


As I think back on all the hard times my parents have been through, I remember how often I questioned why they had to go through them. They are such amazing, loyal, hard working, loving, devoted, godly people. Watching my dad work two and three jobs just to get by, seeing my mom make an amazing home for us kids, selflessly. Catching mom crying over dad when his health became something we needed to worry about and yet he still worked two jobs just to make ends meet.
As a child I didn't exactly understand it all. As I started getting a little older, I started seeing the worry, the tired and weary countenances. I started understanding that things were changing and that it wouldn't always be the way it used to be. I started wondering why, mom and dad being the two most amazing people I have had the honor of knowing, they had to go through the struggles and hardships they went through and still go through.
Now that I'm older, I've seen my share of ups and downs, I understand a little better why. As I look back on those same hardships now, I don't see as much negative but more the strength, wisdom, character and devotion they had. In all my years of remembrance of my parents and what they had to go through, I never once saw them waver in their faith and love for God. I saw it grow and start rubbing off on us kids. I saw some of my siblings start going through some of the same things they had to go through and understood that God chose to put them through it because He knew they could take it and use it for good.
My parents aren't perfect and they'll be the first to tell you that, but my parents are the greatest example of Christians, parents and husband and wife that I could ever hope to have in my life. They've taught me so many things and I'm happily still learning! They've stayed strong through it all and praised God in the highs and the lows. They've taken good out of everything that's come into their lives. No, they weren't always happy about it, but they never blamed God for their misfortunes. My parents have been able to help so many people throughout their lives that may not have gotten help if they hadn't been tested and molded by God. I can only hope to God that I can take that same attitude from my parents and apply it to my own life.
I'm so thankful for my whole family, but I'm extremely grateful for two godly parents who gave me a firm foundation for life. I'm so thankful they stayed strong through everything and pulled closer to God when things got tough. My parents are, by far, two of the greatest people I know. I believe anyone who knows them feels the same way. I don't know what I'd do or where I'd be without them. Words can't explain the love I have for them or how much I appreciate them. But I'm going to do everything in my power to prove it with my life and future family. They deserve so much from the people they've given their lives for.
There is none other like my family and I'm so proud of that fact. My family is the most important "thing" to me! You don't have to understand us or like us, we love and understand each other and that's all that has ever mattered to us. We have each other and that means more to us than anything else. It's always been like that, it always will be! I don't really know why God chose to bless our family as He has, but I can't thank Him enough for putting us together.
We don't always understand why we go through things or why "bad" things come into our lives, but if we'd just give it some time and give ourselves time to get through them, we'd see and understand why. My parents have been great examples of this and they've passed it on to each one of us kids and I see my siblings passing it on to their kids. It's amazing to watch! I love every one of my family members with all my heart. They are my world, there's nothing better than family! We're just a group of friends who were lucky enough to have been placed in the same family.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

My God of Anger

Throughout our Book we read about
A God Who took a stand.
And showing strength, destroying lands
Just by His upraised hand.

But as we take a closer look
At our great, mighty God,
We may not see the anger; fierce,
But the heart upon we've trod.

I think if we could stand up close
And see Him face to face,
We'd see the tears stream down His cheeks;
Across His skin they'd trace.

I think we'd see those nail pierced hands
Raised up in Holy rage.
We'd see them tremble e'er so light
In torment for this race.

I think we'd find a broken heart
So torn with love and pain.
We'd hear it's pounding rhythmic pulse
As punishment beats in vain.

And when He's through, I think we'd feel
Those strong, magnificent arms
Wrap so securely 'round our being,
Protecting us from harm.

Sunday, July 25, 2010

Because HE Loves me. . .

Why do the stars shine with such intensity?

And why does their beauty always speak straight to my soul?

Why do the flowers dance along with the summer breeze

And capture my attention with their sweet aroma?

Why does the sailing butterfly steal kisses from my hair and cheek?

Why must I watch the intricate flight of those glorious wings until out of sight?

Why does the threatening sky behind an emerald oak take my breath away?

Why do the wrestling's of a playful creature bring a smile to my lips?

Why does the work of a busy bee spark my interest so?

Why does a lonely flower stand so regal in my sight?

Why does the purposeful winding of a vine intrigue me?

And why do the magnificent clouds hold a special place in my heart?

Why do the cries, smiles, murmurs, embraces of a child bring me to my knees

And why do they burn in my soul like a glowing ember?

Why does the night breeze, blowing my hair, blowing across my face, make me feel so alive?

Why does, believing the pouring rain means God is visiting the earth, make me feel safe?

And why does the sight of piercingly pink clouds bring tears to my eyes?. . .

Because HE loves me!

Sunday, July 4, 2010


Through the good times we "don't need" You.

Through the tough times we curse You.

Through the confusing times we question Your presence.

Through the mistakes we blame You.

Through the hurts we're angry with You. . .

Through our good times You love us.

Through our tough times You take us by the hand.

Through our confusing times You guide us.

Through our mistakes You pick us up and dust us off.

Through our hurts You cry with us.

Lord help me to praise You through it all!

Friday, December 11, 2009

What Is The Price Of Freedom?

What is the price of freedom, do we really know?

The price they paid in Normandy, Bastogne and Haguenau.

The list of friends and leaders lost along the way,

Mere fraction of the bloody wage that they have had to pay.

The sacrifice, devotion; blood, sweat and tears

Has lost all sense of meaning throughout the passing years.

Where has this country gotten to, that we forget the past

And how we wouldn't be here if, it weren't for heroes lost.

Lost in the battles, gunfire, raids, lost in mind and soul.

Going home to families, but not returning whole.

How dull we've gotten to the truth; ungrateful, selfish, blind.

Blinded by the luxuries of freedom, left behind.

I asked "What price is freedom," but we may never know,

Civilians get the safety net of staying in our homes.

But may we ne'er forget the price our heroes of war pay,

And may we never cease to bend a knee and for them pray!

What Is War?

As I watched the 9Th episode of Band of Brothers today, there came a part where they discovered a concentration camp full of starving Jews. Most of them closer to dead than living, skin and bones, barely walking, barely breathing. Pale, skeletal fragments of what used to be a healthy human being. At one point, the part that struck me the hardest, many of the victims came up and were pulling at the soldiers trying to convey their appreciation in their foreign tongue. One embraced a soldier and began sobbing, the soldier started to tear up and hugged the man in return. I began to cry as well, realizing how much tragedy has gone on in this world even before I was born. Things I was spared from having to go through.

During one portion of the film, a soldier was reading a news article that was entitled, "Why We Fight...," and one answer given in the paper was, "...because the Germans are bad." I thought about that statement for a few minutes and realized that it was not the Germans who were bad. We all have the same make up in our being to be the worst individual possible, most of us just exercise self control and work on being the best person we can be. I then started thinking about the article title, "Why We Fight...." The first thing that came to my mind was "freedom," and then my mind went to that concentration camp and I realized that freedom is the end result, not the main source of war. War starts with power, greed, envy, selfish thoughts, personal gain. Nowadays we just call it money, that's usually how it ends up. Why does everything have to be about "me, my, mine?"

When I think about war and the military, they hold such a high rank in my eyes, for I know that I could never do what they do, see what they have to see and experience the kinds of things they consider normal; Innocent human beings falling victim to power hungry leaders who don't give one thought about who they are, where they came from, what they are about. They're just in the way, an obstacle to get through, so they bully and use undeserving force to keep them out of the way. Those people have names, ages, families, homes, children, grandchildren, memories, hobbies, talents, friends, likes, dislikes, opinions, thoughts, souls, hearts, passions... Who do these "leaders" think they are to take such a life into their own hands and do with it as they will? What gave you the right to treat people so poorly? How do you justify the wrong doings of these creations? How do you sleep at night with pictures of their faces soring through your mind, their screams pouring through your thoughts, their tear stains still on your useless uniform? How do you live with the visions of little children, knowing nothing of what's going on, crying tears of terror and fear, holding their teddy bears so tight for that's the only security they can cling to, watching their parents being taken away not understanding why their big strong daddy can't force these angry men into submission and piece their family back together? What are you really fighting for?

I know why our men fight. Our military fights to clean up the messes that other countries create, they fight to free the places where power hungry men have left their mark, they fight to keep us free, they fight to keep themselves free, not because if they don't fight their leader would kill them and their families and destroy their homes and possessions. They do it for others as well as themselves. They do it to keep our country as honorable as it has always been, to keep our name respected. America is their family, they fight to protect our family name, keep it untarnished. They fight out of necessity, not out of want or need of more power or possessions. Everything should be done for others, not self. There is no satisfaction in selfish living. To see the relief on the face and in the embrace of that victim was so humbling. I know it's a production, but that just means that they couldn't show you the immensity and real tragedy of the events that happened. I would imagine it was 100 times worse for the people who actually went through it and witnessed it.

How selfish, how cruel, how unbelievably wicked the minds of the world have become. How embarrassed I am to be considered the same as you...a "human being." On the other side of cruelty, my human heart wants to show them the same respect they showed the Jews. "This is what you put them through, how do you like it?" What ever happened to "Do unto others...?" Why would we treat someone in a way that we would loath them to treat us? What makes any one person any better than the next? Were you not created from the same pile of dirt as they? It doesn't have to be like this. But someone down the line got it in their mind that it would be easier to ask forgiveness than permission, then accelerated into multiple wars fought, won or lost. Congratulations world, we're now in a life long kindergarten battle of "My truck is cooler than your truck!," and it's costing the lives of countless innocent individuals. You should be so proud!!!

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

What Is This Feeling?

It's funny how you touch every part of my life without even laying a finger.

It's funny how the brush of your arm; the smell of your skin seems to linger.

It's funny how you changed my life with just one act that pierced my core.

It's funny how just one look engulfs my being til I can breathe no more.

It's funny how at once I knew; my past, my present, my future all so clear.

It's funny how wrapped up inside your being is all I could ever hope to hold dear.

It's strange how you vanished from me like a ghost, a vapor, so close, yet just out of my grasp.

It's strange how I was sure that our coveted embodiment of mind, soul and heart would last.

It's strange how empty I feel; O how deep your love touched my being, was it a lie?

It's strange how one goes from joyous laughter to feeling as though there aren't enough tears to cry.

It's strange how every ache of pain seems worth it somehow; a pain that will bring happiness beyond compare.

It's strange how one minute my faith is limitless and the next my doubt has me paralyzed and unaware.

It hurts that you've taken every good part of me and left me to carry on in silence and confusion.

It hurts to think that you may end what could be the greatest love affair of all time for fear of illusion.

It hurts that you won't let me hurt for you and with you; carry your all too heavy load just to catch your breath.

It hurts that I know what can be but the fear of losing you further, cripples me from grabbing hold; taking another step.

It hurts to not hear your voice, see your face, hold your hand, feel your embrace, catch your scent.

It hurts that you'll never realize the depth, breadth, height, width of how much you really meant.

The hilarity, the confusion, the many more emotions do I need to go through before you realize all this too?

How much more proof do you need to prove our greatness and potential together; to make you see my unconditional love for you?. . . .